Didn’t feel much sensation during the attunement. I felt some warmth but I guess that’s caused by my palm being warm. When my head was touched I felt shiver from my head down to the feet. Then my left head pulsed a bit.
Day 1
Woke up sluggish. Progressed to flu-like nausea and diarrhea. Contacted a friend that was also attending the same event after my reiki attunement yesterday if she has same issue but she has no problem caused by the food served. Ordered fresh coconut water and push myself to sleep, can’t even stand straight, a plastic bag on my bedside.
And my internal surgical wound is acting up, felt hurt.
Day 2
Felt better. Going for a short walk. But still diarrhea, to a consistency like milk (?) bubbly and white. Lots of gas. Side notes, I have vata (wind) constitution; that currently out of balance (according to the holistic therapist who treated my colon cancer). This gas caused discomfort on my upper back today. Tried to be more consistent in eating vegetarian.
Also, my head hurt but come and goes. The Reiki master did tell me I need to stop reading with Kindle and reduce screen time 😬
Day 3
No stopping on weird dream. Still diarrhea although without the discomfort (totally under control, but liquidy). Feeling great actually. But gassy.
Started juicing on empty stomach again after skipping two days. Awoke at night because my left knee was in pain, at the location of the bruise happened when I fell off the stair last year, just months before my diagnosis. I just keep it warm with my palm and in the morning it’s gone. Still limiting chicken and fish, only egg. Started a new regimen of milk thistle tea, but I suspect it caused hives which doesn’t receed the next morning. I drank 2.4 liter spring water today excluding tea and juice.
Day 4
Awoke again at night because I slapped naughty chicken who tried to stole something on my stomach. That’s a dream, of course. Just the slapping transcends to real world, hehe.
Poop start going solid again and only once for the day (yay) but hives didn’t stop. I still drink the milk thistle tea.
Lots of food craving, mainly chocolate. Felt hungry all the time. Increased meditation time.
Today while doing reiki I actually can feel warmth radiates even though my palm were hovering and not touching my face. And as I glided downwards the warmth follows.
Day 5
Still doing vegetarian. Diluted milk thistle half and half. Jog a little in the morning to get sweat releasing excess histamine.
Today’s “gospel”: respect decision putting yourself as first priority. In order to do that you may cut some toxic people out of your life, and no guilt is necessary.
Day 6
Awoke at 1 a.m and can’t sleep anymore. Maybe due to caffeine in brownie. I think I ate 1/6 cup of cocoa powder.
Still gassy. Stopped milk thistle, still itchy. Start Essiac tea. Been having big appetite these days.
Day 7
Today’s gospel: Ego is self image, self identification. Sometimes it’s so rooted we don’t even realize. We often think of ego as pride, domination, narcisstic, self absorbent. Little we think we actually harbor ego as victim, ego as kind person who always put people’s need above us, and mine: remorseful and culpable ego person.
This always put me in discomfort situation even though I did things to improve condition and protect myself. Eckhart Tolle said: once we realize it is an ego, it’s not ego anymore. It’s only a thought system which with practice, can be reversed.
Today is a big revelation to me.
Day 8
Constipated 😬 Went to one extreme to another extreme.
About filtering friends: every person is holy encounter. The one appropriate to teach us our life curriculum. Isn’t it worth evaluating, a friend that aside from talking about the negative in life, doesn’t really have common interest with you? A friend that brought out the uncomfortable by reminds me the less in me by subtly implying the more in her?
I’ve given up pulling up stories to impress.
Really, it is going from “what does this person feel of me” to “how do I feel near this person”
And since I relinquished my ego as a kind person yesterday, today I just walk away.
These days I’ve met people that made me very empowered and inspired by their simple approach in life. I don’t think I’ll go extra miles in making myself win for things that’s only illusion of life: success, money, prestige,being known. -Anna
Day 9
Spiritually nothing special. Physically very tired, I sat too long while painting. Still juicing, walking, essiac tea. Moved my ginger-lime-turmeric-Black pepper combo to before breakfast, the effect is amazing to my skin, and alleviate gas. Having unusual food cravings.
Day 10
What I forgot to mention is that these days I was having white film on my tongue. Add with hives and constipation, it’s detox symptom. I can’t do sauna because of cancer, but when walking in the morning I wear thick sport jacket so that the sweat comes out more. Today my reiki start in the morning at 3am due to weird dream. Been having 3-4 times coconut oil pulling in the morning and scraping those white films afterwards.
Navigating food cravings.
Day 11
Doctors appointment that needed coffee because my turn always happened after midnight 😬 I’ve got diarrhea before coffee and added gas and two more times diarrhea after that.
Still itchy and scratching while half asleep. But the hives bump is no more. Weird dream about my sister and late mama. Thinking of stopping essiac for a while and reducing vitamin d3.
Day 12
Stopped every supplements. Nothing so special. Finally got my period which already 10 days late. My head ache. Still had white coat on the tongue.
Day 13
Walk in the morning, right back pain in the evening. Got emotional 😬 maybe hormonal triggered by some insecurity issues. I thank universe for the challenge, it really comes the right time.
Day 14
Social Media: The way we share our life can be a distraction of our purpose and intention. Guide our path by not paying attention on other’s life situation except in a functional discussion. Help others stay in their learning path by steer clear from sharing our life thus distracting them. Never before I think that staying away of social media as doing a favor to anyone else.
Day 15
There are people whose life is turbulent and one that is so sunk comfortably in worldly matter. Maybe the difference is the intention. The former would be one that deep down acknowledge the life on earth is to awaken and in the learning inviting all sort of tragedy for him to overcome.
The latter, if I may give an analogy is like this. A person who has religion, religiously pray but doesn’t know what is the meaning of the mantra. She has done what she is told but doesn’t search further the meaning behind. Donkey, with a carrot hanging to a stick. And so she feel content that way. Contentment, put it this way make people stay on one point and stay that way. She looks how people live and assume that is the way to go, in comfort zone, in status quo.
So be rejoice for all the tests.
Day 16
That you don’t need that many friends. Especially who doesn’t recognize your cracking self image and insist you retain your old thinking pattern.
That it is true, what you share you accept. That it is not ‘getting’ but ‘accepting’. Give up the struggle and it comes to you, effortless.
Day 17
Pondering: Why can’t I be happy without the urge to make people know that I am? I can enjoy life with big backyard, modern kitchen and loving partner, for example. But in my wishes there’s a longing for people to see those.
Day 18
Is a goal to be a role model is egoic in nature?
Day 19
I remember a dream some days before my attunement.
I was hung with secure bands like the one used for bungee jumping, to a track like a ski lift.
It was glading steadily until a car with two friends inside move towards me, and as they were nearer I was lifted above so I hover above them.
As they passed below me they took a turn to the left, while me, dropped into a hole, free fall head first. I thought: “This gonna be hurt in my chest” - I often do when I try roller coaster at the park. It wasn’t hurt and I safely arrived at a ‘basement city’ when, weirdly, I met my sister in law.
In reality these days I decided to cut ties with those friend whom I think can’t serve in my development. The free fall head first, somehow reflects on the so many revelation, realization happening these days.
Today I did a 70 minutes Reiki to myself.
Transcending Comparison
I think one of the biggest spiritual block for me is judgement of myself. ‘Why can’t I be calm like her’ or ‘Maybe I shall behave like him’ or ‘Shall I forgive like she is’
Truth is, as curriculum differs, act stems from belief, or knowing. However honorable forgiving is, we can’t ‘pretend’ to forgive; or forgive like somebody else. It is true for me, in the case of forgiveness that I have to accept the disappointment, anger so that it precedes the relinquishment of conflict, and so time is variable. And so, whenever I found myself comparing, I give myself so much compassion and understanding. That’s it liberating. And really I grow further from the idea of making others a ‘factor’ in my journey within. How empowering.
Day 20
Too much of the past comes in many form.
For me try to keep update with everyone’s doing. I misinterpret it as kindness. Whereas the person near you, who you interact with NOW is your present. Giving all the attention to present is kindness to ourselves.
Day 21
Went to sleep with heavy heart and woke up because of weird dream.
It is becoming a habit that I almost fell asleep during reiki. Very relaxing.
One memorable moment today (that somehow created mixed feeling after) is I cut off one toxic friend with honest words. It is tough and I can sense a denial in her reply, but one thing I learnt: tolerance must be put where it is proper.
“ I don’t need relationship where the content is only about complaining and doesn’t share interest that help me grow. It is clear also that whenever I say things it is interpreted into negative experience, as if all my life is negative and I don’t appreciate the non-discretion of the sharing.”
I don’t know what made me put up with this kind of friendship. Her reply was that I should call her anytime. I saw the message was read at 7:17
1717, 717 always appear these days and the meaning is about spiritual growth. I think I get affirmation that this is a right step to take (be honest about how you feel, with ind words)
Geez. She thinks I need more complain.
